The Crush - Episode 7

In the middle of the conversation, with a sorry face, she said "Swami you could have asked me to give you a company. I woudn’t have minded coz my office is also on the same way” Before I could think of a fake explanation, we were before her office building. She said “anyways, thanks for the company. Don’t think about ‘it’ too much dear. Take care and have a nice day dear”. I came to a standstill. I didn’t know what to say. I just said, "You too, bye." and she quickly disappeared into the cellar of a dull office building. She didn’t even care my ‘you too bye’ line (I still have a doubt if she heard my “you too bye” line. Was she arrogant? Who knows! This behaviour of hers reminds me of our classmate Sumalatha who thinks she is the most beautiful of all girls in the school. Infact, I would say, K. Balamani was the most beautiful girl of our school. K. Balamani also used to offer me her upma whenever Imtiyaaz used to eat away my lunch dabba).

But why am I suspecting my sweetheart’s attitude? No. Let me not think bad about her. She is an angel for me. Btw, what does she mean by ‘Don’t think about ‘it’ too much?” Does she know what is going on within me? I asked my inner-sense.

There was a pain, a pain I had never felt. This pain is common among unadulterated hearts (even my best friend Ranji told me that this pain is quite common among true lovers. Also, historical records say that Romeo, Devdas, Salim, etc all experienced this pain) I was missing her. I wanted to stop her. I wanted to ask her so many questions. I knew it wasn't coincidence. Here was a girl who had made deep inroads into my heart in a short time. Was it fascination? I am sure its not. Infatuation? Definitely not. Calf love? I am too old for it. Is my love out of lust ? My heart slapped me and my inner sense said “she is married Swami, chi chee” I felt blameworthy. A sense of guilt crept in.

I knew, I was going mad. I just hired an auto and wanted to reach my office before I make a fool of myself on the road. In the auto, only one thought killed me, “who is this girl? How is she able to read my mind? Is she really an angel? Or can people read my mind so easily? I had no clue. When i got down, the auto kaaran said “saab, interview ke liye jaare kya, tension mat lo saab, job mil jaayega.”. I gave a damn to his words. But to honour his empathy, I said, “mein idhar kaam kartha hoon. Chalo shukriya. Apna khayaal rakhna…” I paid his money and got down the auto.

Frankly, I donno what to call it (not regarding the autowala’s empathy but regarding my sweetheart)
Crush? Love? Infatuation? Cardinal desire to get her laid? Or is this stupidity?
Definitely not the last one. Ofcourse, not the second last too.

All I knew is my heart enjoyed this feeling, while my mind cursed me for dreaming about a married woman. I had a new development in my thoughts. A new being living within me. A new spirit motivating me. The Hossur girl. My chellam. My darling. My uyir. Part of my heart was against thinking about her, while the rest of it was shamelessly on a roll. This was a strange feeling to me. Yet, an un-swami’ly kind of feeling.

On the way back home, I was in her company. She was besides me in the bus, and the soap-like aroma is still alive. My darling was travelling with me in the bus back home. She was by my side. Talking to me many things which I couldn't hear. I knew she was talking about her childhood. I was wondering why the hell didn’t I meet her in childhood. I could have befriended her, played with her all those kiddy games and made love with her once we grew up.