The Crush - Episode 9

Three days passed like three seconds (though this sounds like a dialogue from one of Bharathiraja’s movies, it indeed happens in real love-life too. For example, it happened with me) Only true lovers realise what I mean.

I started feeling sick. My throat felt nausea. Honestly, for me, the entire world resembled an assortment of puke-inducing components. That’s the degree of my nausea-ness. That was the extent of my sickness. Also, I would like to describe my condition at that time as a “biological outcome arising out of a psychological drive called ‘Love’”…Yes, a sacred ‘Love’..

Yet, I was damn sure about one thing: she was also enjoying my company. Second thing: She used to impatiently wait for me in the bus stop. Third thing: She is taking her time to open up. Fourth thing: She is of the reserved types.

Next day I met her at the bus stop again. We boarded the bus. I asked her “dont you do make-up, lipstick, eye wallah, lip liner?? She gave me a naughty smile and said “I am married, I need not woo someone now”(with a simple, short “ha ha ha”)

I felt irritated. I knew she didnt ridicule me and she was kidding, but that was like stabbing with a knife into my over-sized belly. Ofcourse, it was painful. Then she suddenly squeezed my hand, dragged me towards her (a gesture before blowing a secret into someone’s ears. Even T.Uma Shankari – my 9th class tuition-mate at Anjaneyalu sir’s tuition - used to tell me ‘jokes’ this way only ie pulling me closer and then whispering into my ears).

She moved her lips close to my ears. I thought she was gonna kiss me now and say “enough is enough re swami. I love you” But she didnt do either. She said "my hubby doesn't like me wearing make-ups, jeans and modern dresses, so I gave up on those superficial paraphernalia 3 years back. Last time I wore them was when he proposed me. After that, things happened pretty quickly and I have a kid now. I thank God everyday for such a wonderful life".

I was still alive.

I felt like slapping her. “Common, dhey thadi swami! dhey thadi!!” my inner sense encouraged me to slap her. But I controlled myself. Coz, I knew it was out of jealousy. More of helplessness. Or is it a common feeling out of love? I don’t know.

Ofcourse, I didn’t want to hear such good things from her. I can’t bear if she is happy with her husband. Coz, this reduces my chances. I wanted to tell her one thing upfront: “next time you are with me, I dont want you to talk about your damn hubby, damn married life and damn past”.You will talk only about how you admire me? How much you love me? How good I am?” Ofcourse, I didn’t have the courage to tell her all these.

“Does a man’s courage-quotient reduce once they fall in love?” My inner sense asked me the question. “Google it you moron” I responded angrily in return. Really, I was very angry.

I could only smile at her. Believe me, the rage in me, if let out, would have destroyed the entire bus, including the fat lady sitting to my right. Honestly, I was enjoying every moment with my sweetheart. So far the most memorable moments I lived in the company of a woman, whose name I still donno know. I have never asked her.

“Is this what we call love? Is this a common syndrome among lovers?”

Frankly, even she never asked my name. Yet, she talked to me a lot about her childhood, school life, married life and college life (she is reasonably qualified. M.Com discontinued. She also appeared for CAT last year and scored a decent 47 percentile) I don’t remember most of what she told, coz instead of listening to her, I was only staring at her eyes, nose, thick eyebrows, tender hands, smooth neck, silky hair, etc. I know for sure, she is comfortable in my company. Also, somewhere in the corner of my heart, I had hopes that given a chance she would hug me. She would not even hesitate to kiss me. I know she also loves me a lot. My inner sense also says so.