The Crush - Episode 8

CREEEK!!! (It was a sudden brake) I noticed I have over travelled. And she is not there besides me anymore. Dream? Hell! Swami doesn’t day dream. This is yet another un-swami’ly featue.
Quickly, I got up and asked the driver to stop by the side. I got down. I knew I was mentally deficient at that time. Deprived of presence of mind. Pathetically. I took a rick and reach my home. I just wanted to reach my home and sort out this matter through deep introspection.

I reached my room and there was no one in there. The friend who stays with me might have gone for his prayers to the nearby mosque. It gave me some solitude to sort out my present ethical predicament. The most awkward dilemma of my life. To my surprise, here she was in the room serving me. She was giving me a towel, keeping my shoe aside and putting my dress in the washtub. My darling was there with me in my room.

I knew it was my mind's eye. Pakka imagination. But I was helpless. My eyes were sob. Breath was abnormal (I could hear my own breath aloud, you know) And heart pounding rapidly as if it was about to explode like deebavali pataasu. I could taste something metallic in the back of my throat. I went to the wash-basin and quickly spit to confirm. Obviously, I expected some blood (as you see in indian movies). But no, I could only see some rotten phlegm in the basin now. I just turned off the tap. Switched off the lights, and covered myself from top to bottom using a thin perforated bedsheet and attempted to sleep. Just closed my eyes and was just trying to forget her. It never worked. Initially, thinking about her was an enjoyable experience, but it is now taking a toll on my heart, on each and every drop of my blood and on each and every cell of my body. I started fearing if I would make a fool of myself. Would I become mad? Will people laugh at me? I know for sure she can never be mine even if i want to. But I couldn't help it. I was lying awake for a very long time.

I knew nothing, except that I was awake for a very long time. She was there by my bed-side taking care of me. I felt ashamed at my thought process. I wanted to kill myself. It was a decisive dilemma. Here was a female who is not ready to leave me, but she is married. I cannot imagine myself wooing a married woman. I donno how long I stayed awake but definitely it was too late before I slept when my dreams were dominated by her.

Never in my life did I have such a dream of admiring a girl. Definitely it was a pure feeling. A feeling of pride. Secureness. Pure love. I just dreamt lying on her thighs (lap, I mean) and listening to her gossips like: her likeness for teddy bears, fondness of salman khan, complaints about her manager and colleagues and sundry. It was 7:30 in the morning, when I got up. I was running high temperature and my friends enquired about my well being. It was then that I realised, I left my shoes and dress scattered all over and and slept carelessly. They thought I was not well and hence didnt disturb. One of the friends even got a paracetmol for me. I knew this was not fever but something else. Something which has no cure. I thanked them, and started my daily walk to the bus-stop. I prayed to all my gods to help me forget her. Her thoughts were killing me, I knew I have much higher responsibilities: to myself, my college and my organisation.

That morning when I reached the bus stop, there she was waving at me. She started talking. I only watched her. Honestly, I dont remember a single word she uttered. The bus came and we really travelled together. Though we were not sitting beside each other, we could walk together and she bid me good bye at the same place before the same dull office building. My meeting with her that morning was as sweet as sarkarai pongal (sarkarai pongal tastes better if some elaichi is also included, I read somewhere)