Bombay To Goa - Laughter-challenged!

(For those cinematically-challenged readers, here's some info before you proceed reading this: 'Bombay-to-Goa' is a bollywood movie which was released on 6th July)

I am an ardent fan of ‘The Great Indian Laughter Challenge (TGILC)’. I am sure most of you are, inlcuding your pet doggy at home which giggles at the sounds of dogs, dinasaurs, salman khan and other animals simulated by the mimicry artists. First things first - the heights of the artists’ creativity, the depth in their observations and their comic abilities deserve a respectful, honest and aesthetical salute from all of us (only so far as matters regarding the show are concerned. Wait, I am yet to dig into the move review part). Laughter Challenge created a revolution and inspired other channels for an emulation (rhyme unintended). Yet, someone among us believes - no, let me face it - I believe that, “Sometimes we get carried away by history so pathetically, that we end up screwing things thoroughly”

"Bombay to Goa" is an absolute paradigm of this belief of mine. What I could lap up from the movie is only a consolation that my belief turned true. Let me be modest - the movie was a lacklustre experience; as lusterless as a doctor’s postoperative blow-by-blow narrative of Saif ali khan’s appendix operation.

Lead actors: Raju Srivasthav, Ahsan Qureshi, Sunil Pal and Vijay Raaz are the lead actors.

Director: Google it.

Editor: All those who watched the movie are desperately searching for him. He couldn’t even be found on Google.

Story (due to lack of an appropriate word) Sunil wins Rs 2 lakh and aspires to set up his own business. Vijay counsels him and talks him into buying a deplorable bus to commute between Bombay to Goa and charge people for the same to make a living. That’s how the movie begins. The bus-like vehicle takes on board a variety of people who try to make you laugh, including but not limited to, the cloned indian-cricket-team (Dhoni was funny as usual)

Below is an attempt to address a few common questions from the curious and irrepressible cine-goers who are planning to watch the movie this weekend.

Do you get what you pay for?

Absolutely speaking, there are very few and countable hilarious bits therein, but then, economically speaking, if you do a cost-benefit-analysis (whatever it means) of what you pay for the movie and what you get, you would be utterly disappointed. Relatively speaking, you would be coerced to accept that Chidambaram’s immaculate white lungie has more economic value than this movie.

Any nexus with The Great Laughter challenge?

Yes there is. The conspiracy behind making this movie was to lure all the TGILC fans into the hall and make some quick bucks by playing upon their hilarious sentiments . But then, just imagine how it would be when an hemorrhoid patient tries to emulate Shakira’s waist swirl.

Any personal suggestions?

Personally, I feel, what’s more worthier is watching and giggling at the African wild elephants copulate on the african prairies. In this context, I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely acknowledge Discovery channel and Animal Planet for their commendable job.

What is that a typical cine-goer carries home with him after watching ‘Bombay to Goa’?

What’s actually carried home varies from cine-goer to cine-goer. But one common thing all these cine-goers lose is ’patience’. For some, the movie may seem as childish as a child. For the rest, it may seem as pointless as an exotic underwear"

p.s. Before winding up, my apologies for the exaggerated review. The review is just a ’frustration venting’ on behalf of still-searching-for-the-editor fraternity and sorority for having not found the editor yet. A request - do comment if you find him or if you know about his whereabouts.

When I Saw Her First Time

When I saw her first time.
Felt like committing a naughty crime
She came in walking under the sun
And I was hungry eating a bun

She came and sat beside me
I couldn’t proceed having my tea
I could feel my heart thud
She looked at me as if I am a dud

Her saree was adorned by flower bud
My trouser was full of dirty mud
Her nose resembled a flower
And mine resembled a tower

Her features were simply enchanting
But mine require full transplanting
She ordered for a coffee
I started chewing my toffee

She then ordered for a burger,
Me still eating toffee like a gorger
She picked up a parcel of cookies
I lost myself staring at her like rookies

She got a call and went away
Dammit! All her bills I had to pay

Live Free or Die Hard 4.0

Hitherto, we have all witnessed larger-than-life films depicting an utterly binary world wherein even a human DNA can be cloned. For that matter, real-world films where transplantation of bone-marrow becomes a child’s play. You have also seen films demoing hydrogen-powered personal air-crafts moving at ultrasonic speeds in the troposphere. Yet, did you ever realise that rarely comes a film showcasing the inconceivable extremities of cybernation? Or did you realise, rarely comes a film which proves to you, scientifically, that a computerised tongue-cleaner is plausible? Atleast, did you realise, rarely comes a film which depicts a human-craving device that controls your gastric trouble real time?
Die Hard 4.0 doesn’t feature any of these. Yet, it’s a decent film.

Balding Bruce Willis (a NYPD cop/detective) has been told to pick up a young hacker (Justin Long) for breaching an FBI system. Timothy Olyphant (villain) buys complex algorithms from the tender-moustached-budding-hackers and pays them money before killing them (for the same reason as Shah Jahan’s slaying of all the masons engaged in Taj Mahal construction) One such fly-the-coop victim is Justin Long. Timothy maintains a team of geeky programming experts to control and thoroughly screw the US public utilities and data administration systems. His technological reach is so advanced that he makes sure all the hackers who he bought stuff from are killed using pre-implanted C-4s, detonating at the press of their own keyboard. Justin survives the blast due to a technical error in implantation. Having known about his survival, Timothy sends his heavily-armed toughies to kill tender Justin. Bruce Willis saves him from the attacks of Timothy and in due course himself becomes an enemy to Timothy, only ending up in collateralization of his own horny daughter. Technically-illiterate-but-expletive-intensive Bruce Willis understands Timothy’s intentions through Justin’s hesitant articulation and then resolves to save America from the schema, termed ‘Fire Sale’ (as in ‘clearing off everything’) well contrived by Timothy. Timothy is the architect who designed a foolproof national security system for the US after the WTC blow out. Yet he keeps cribbing about his crucification and low pay package. Hence, takes the condemnable step to terrorize the entire nation through a planned shut-down of the transportation system, power systems and all other public utilities. His motive is to leverage his knowledge on the technical loopholes of the self-designed system for a commercial motive. He then progresses to sweep in monies from the nation’s social security database and the banking accounts of the public from a Business-continuity-cum-disaster-recovery centre. Bruce’s biceps come into play and Timothy’s plans go for a toss. Bruce is of the same vigor as usual and has not compromised on his muscularity.

Fast-paced, action-packed, will-keep-your-ass-sticked-to-the-seat kinda movie. You would never have a second to think nor would you be able to guess what’s gonna present itself before you. All you would do is just keep your mouth agape while Bruce and the little hacker keep running, bounding, eluding and driving all along from the nasty attacks of Timothy, right from the FBI office to the warehouse where Timothy and his accomplices get killed with a single bullet shot. High-production flick, realistic stunts and terrific sound effects. Sporadic Beethoven touches are a bonus.

Grand Scenes:
- the speeding car before it ramps up an inclined concrete structure right into the chopper
- Bruce Willis’ combat with the sexy chinky, MaggieQ, till the time she gets killed in the elevator chasm.
- Attack on Bruce-driven-18-wheeled truck-trailer by an F-35
- Justin’s conversation with the BMW interactive chauffeur
- Bruce Willis’ expletives and wits

We do cherish the cyber ontogenesis and the comfort and luxury resulting out of it. But just imagine a world when the same ontogeny shows its ugly face in the form of public utilities occlusion and a total black-out. You would simply realise the human mind is going crazy and would never dare to draw a bead on further expansion of the binary horizons. Watch the movie and you would come out with a dropped-down jaw.

I Try Make Her Laugh

I try make her laugh,
It ends up in a gaffe,
I move to get closer,
But end up as a loser,
I try showing up frank,
She asserts I’m a prank.

I also make her weep,
Unaware I’m hurting her deep,
I ain’t somewhere near,
Yet I do feel her tear,
So I go for a pardon,
But her heart does harden.

When I call for an end,
Then she needs me as a friend,
I couldn’t manage to fend,
For I resolve myself to mend.

After a few days again,
By covering up the pain,
I move to get closer,
But end up as a loser,
I try showing up frank,
She asserts I’m a …….